Christine Spurgeon
Revision 1- Revising with Strunk, White, and Williams
Professor Steve Krause
Though teachers used to prefer pencils without erasers for more deliberation on the part of students, it is now universally recognized that revising is the best way to polish written work. After reading Strunk and White and Williams and then sitting down to revised my paper, I was happy to find I felt I had a clear sense of what to adjust or rewrite. There were many areas that needed clarification and focus, passive sentences and nominalizations, and sentences that couple be manipulated for effectiveness. I felt that revising project one was a wise idea as I had a fresh eye and some distance from the paper. I figured the review would also help cement the ideas in my head.
Williams speaks of prior knowledge and the enormous impact it has on reading comprehension. While we are all part of a cultural community and have a shared collective knowledge, it is important to be explicit for the sake of the reader. Williams urges writers to underestimate their readers- as writers we tend to take liberties with concepts we already understand and our audience may not. Brief explanations, i.e. “Plato chronicles his immortal arguments against writing in his dialogues between Socrates and Phaedrus,” can make unfamiliar concepts user-friendly.
So the subjects are clear, Williams suggests inserting characters and determining agency. I reworked many of the vague sentences and revised them for clarity. A good example is the statement- “Exposure to the readings we have studied…” that I changed to- “After reading the selections from Plato’s Phaedrus, Dennis Baron’s From Pencils to Pixels: The Stages of Literary Technologies, Alberto Manguel’s The Shape of the Book, and Walter Ong’s Writing Is a Technology that Restructures Thought…” This is a direct approach, clear to the reader, using the definite, specific language Strunk and White recommend.
I always thought writing was manipulated sentences for complexity while maintaining grammatical correctness. It was great to see a focus on clearness and clarity for the reader’s sake. Our style guides both promote natural writing and Strunk and White advise avoiding fancy words. I almost felt my essay breathe a sigh of relief when I cut the following sentence- “…On the nascent foundations of the profound, immeasurable and integral connections between spoken language and the written word.” However, Williams does emphasize that there are instances when specific or unconventional words are a necessity- only that elusive sense of style determines what is appropriate.
I also removed multiple nominalizations throughout the essay such as “It really took quite a while,” which now seems too natural, conversational as well as bulky. Strunk and White advise ruthlessly deleting excess words for focused and graceful writing. This is nearly always true for most writers, though to be fair each has their own style- Faulkner would not be Faulkner if he always wrote short and focused sentences. Emphasis is also somewhat subjective, though we are advised to put the newest or most complex ideas at the end of sentences to highlight them and transition into an explanation. Therefore- “Though this spark of artistry is what distinguishes the human experience from that of the animal, is it not? It has been said that necessity is the mother of creation” became “Though this spark of artistry is what distinguishes the human experience from that of the animal, it has been said that necessity is the mother of creation.”
Many sentences were revised to be more rhythmic, balanced, and less turgid. “When beginning this project, it really took quite a while to devise suitable materials to use in lieu of traditional pen and paper. I had to think and think more to come up with something portable, durable, and not immediately perishable-” became “When considering suitable equipment to write with, I tried to think from a minimalist standpoint and create from my surroundings. A lot of thought went into devising something portable, durable, and not immediately perishable.” In other instances in my essay I replaced pronouns and verbs with direct nouns. This reduced the number of prepositions as well, making the writing more direct. Another example was the statement “It is interesting to speculate that these were likely necessary to make up for the inconsistencies of spoken words and acts in business interactions, while the dialogues of Phaedrus were highly concerned with the untruths that could potentially be written and the virtues of spoken communications,” revised to “It is interesting to speculate that these were necessary to secure business deals. These documents likely prevented inconsistencies that could have arose from the spoken word in business interactions. The dialogues of Phaedrus were highly concerned with untruths that could potentially be written, and affirmed the virtues of spoken communications.”
Studying and revising with the style guides has made a world of difference in my writing. I am capable of writing more assertively, clearly, and with more sensitivity to readers and their comprehension. It is wonderful that Strunk, White, and Williams all enthusiastically promote revising- I feel encouraged as a student and a writer.
